The hardest place to flourish is the place where you grew up.

Today, I want to dive into a topic that's been on my mind lately, inspired by a recent TikTok video I posted. I touched upon the idea that distancing yourself from the environment you've grown up in is a crucial step towards personal growth and achieving significant success.

Let's unpack this together.

In my Tiktok video, I discussed the concept of embodying the new version of yourself before you actually become it.

1. Shedding Old Habits

It's about shedding old habits, beliefs, and perspectives that may be holding you back. The constant reminder of who you used to be, whether from your own reflections or the perceptions of those around you, can be a roadblock to progress.

2. Toxic Attachment

Likewise, your own emotional attachment to your old self can contribute to that roadblock. It’s also very easy to hold on to people because you went to school together, or because you’re related. A lot of the time, we’re toxically attached to people when they are no good for us.

3. Identity Crisis

Deeply rooted in this attachment could also be the fact that they are a significant part of the lens through which you view yourself. For example, if you take on the role of “provider in the family” or “empath”, then you kind of need a family to provide for or friends to save - both of which reinforce your identity. So if you were to leave them, you also have to face the loss of your identity - and this in itself is extremely difficult.

The People Before Us

Consider the journeys of those who have broken generational curses or achieved extraordinary success. Rarely do we find stories of individuals who stayed exactly where they were.

Success often requires a departure from the familiar.

A willingness to step into the unknown.

It's not about rejecting your roots but recognising that real, significant growth can only happen beyond the comfort of the known.

Starting a New Chapter

When starting a new chapter, one challenge is that those we grew up with may struggle with our success.

Sometimes, it's not necessarily because they don't wish us well, but rather, it's a harsh reflection of their own limitations and beliefs, and this is the best case scenario.

On the other hand, who are we kidding? Often times, the people you’ve grown up with straight up struggle with your success.

When you break free from a shared environment, it can sometimes spark jealousy or discomfort.

WHY?

Because it’s human nature to see someone’s success as a reflection on your own failure. The people you grew up with could sometimes resent you for succeeding, especially as you were given the same resources. They could also put unrealistic expectations on you in the form of new responsibilities - financially, emotionally and otherwise.

Likewise, you might feel torn, trying to remain the same person they have always known, even though you’re different now. Your mindset is different. Your priorities are different.

This is where you start to hear people say “you’ve changed” and it’s never a compliment. They start reminding you of where you are from and ask you “Who do you think you are?”

They do not know this new version of you.

In extremely toxic situations, this new version of you is no longer a supply to their ego. You are no longer easy to manipulate or control. You know who you are. You want better for yourself. You’ve started saying “No” to things that no longer align with you.

You’re waking up.

Despite all of this, you’re not in competition with them. In fact, your motivation for success very much has them at the centre but… life doesn’t work like that. What you want isn’t what others want.

This is also why most people find it easier to support distant celebrities because it feels like an alternate reality, far removed from their own. It’s so much easier to make up stories about why celebrities are successful and most of the time, we come to the conclusion that they had it easier than us.

Whereas for someone like you in their circle, with the same upbringing, resources, and environment, in order to accept your success, their mind will have to question why they’re not doing better and this is not a reality that most people want to face.

There are exceptions

Admittedly, this is not everyone’s experience. Some people already come from homes where success is priority and generations before them had already started succeeding beyond the resources they originally had. Rest assured though that the first person in their parents’ or grandparents’ generation to change their stars and the entire trajectory of future generations had to be faced with a similar decision to “leave home”.

This piece therefore specifically refers to people who want to become generational curse breakers and are currently in environments where no one else is doing what they are envisioning. If this is you, you’re curious.

You want to find yourself. Your purpose in life. You understand that there is a deeper meaning to why you exist and you want to figure it out. You also know that you deserve better and you’re capable of so much more.

And sometimes, as much as you want to take everyone with you, you also know that the only real way to help others around you is to leave, focus on yourself, maintain your vision and consistently work on your craft and purpose.

But there is a cost…

There always is. This urge you feel is a gift. This need for success isn’t often about money or wanting to be better than others. It’s a calling. It’s something you’ve known since your childhood. It’s something you feel so deeply inside of you, as if this is your purpose.

So if this is the case, what is the cost? And why is there one?

#1: It’s not always about you.

This journey is not for the faint hearted and you need to understand that you have been chosen for a reason. The reason may also not be about you. It may be for generations to come. You may simply be here to clear the path. I know it’s confusing because you have your own earthly motives such as giving your family a better life but really, that’s simply your conscious mind trying to make sense of it all.

In reality, you carry a light. A special gift. A deep purpose. One that I strongly believe you chose before you arrived here. You carry something special that could change the world. It’s bigger than you.

Listen to my Life HERself podcast episode on How to Find Your Purpose.

#2: It’s a very lonely road.

Loneliness and a sense of displacement are natural consequences of this journey but you are capable! How do I know? Because it is the life contract you signed before you came here. You saw the road ahead, the difficulty levels and you still chose it. You knew you had the power to deal with it all.

Understand that eagles fly alone. There are heights you need to achieve where others cannot accompany you. It would be more detrimental for them and for you.

There is also a significance to this phase of stillness. It separates you from the noise and distractions, so that you can connect to both your inner child and higher self. The most authentic versions of you that actually have all the answers and tools you need. You would need to be very still to be guided from within.

I wrote a piece on The Power of Boredom - I highly recommend it.

#3: You will be guilt-ridden.

Whenever you are elevating beyond your environment, you will inevitably feel a huge amount of guilt for leaving people behind but you have to understand that this is your path, for you to walk alone. Also remember that they too have a different purpose. We’re all here for different reasons.

Besides, you have the raw end of the stick. As you shed your old skin and find your new voice, you are likely to encounter dealing with some deep childhood wounds, fear, limiting beliefs, self sabotaging and even questioning your reality as you spend a significant amount of time alone learning to hear your new voice and connect to source.

You will most likely need a therapist or Life Coach to guide you here. It can be a very dark place and you should only dig deep in layers that you can emotionally manage.

#4: You might fail sometimes.

Like most things in life, there is no guarantee that you will be successful at it. Or that your definition of “success” may not be the same definition as the “purpose” that you carry.

This risk of failure is the risk you take and quite frankly, it’s one of the biggest reasons why most people in your surrounding would much rather be like everyone else than rock the boat, trying to achieve what others haven’t yet. Coupled with the fact that it wasn’t their calling in the first place.

You have to learn to Trust Your Gut.

It's a tough path, and it's okay to acknowledge that. Remember, it's through these challenges that you forge a new path for yourself, one that aligns with your aspirations and purpose.

There is good news.

You don’t have to be completely alone. As a life coach, I understand the difficulty of leaving the nest—physically, emotionally, and psychologically. The push-pull between wanting to strive ahead but not wanting to leave your whole life behind.

I need you to know you are not fully alone. At least, you don’t have to be.

Gaining success is not just about physical distance from “home”, it's about breaking free from the emotional and psychological ties that keep you tethered to the past and the limiting beliefs you have developed as a result of being in that environment.

This is usually because even when we come from environments where there is some level of expectation, for example, getting a degree or a “decent” job, there is usually still a roof where no one else in the family has succeeded beyond.

If you're feeling lost or struggling with the changes, I'm here to help.

I specialise in guiding individuals through the process of self-discovery and transformation, as well as dealing with the guilt that comes with what feels like leaving loved ones behind, whilst trying to fly.

Don’t navigate this on your own. I have been there personally and most of my clients who have life coaching have had to face similar dilemmas.

Booking an appointment with me can be your first step toward creating the life you desire. Let's go on this journey together and turn your dreams into reality. Your success is worth the effort, and I'm here to support you every step of the way.